Emotional Affair free essay sample

Also, people have no idea how an emotional affair starts, how it differs from a friendship, the warning signs, how it can lead to something more, how it can be just as devastating as a physical affair, and how to protect their relationship from an emotional affair People should not cheat emotionally because any form of cheating inevitably hurts a person’s partner and could also have repercussions that emotionally harm the cheater. An emotional affair is also referred to as an affair of the heart and can start as an innocent friendship that develops into something unexpected, or it can be started deliberately. Most affairs start when one partner is not having their needs met, whether they are emotional and/or physical, and they deliberately seek elsewhere to have their needs fulfilled. â€Å"All people want to be loved, acknowledged, validated, and needed. Humans want to be desired. If those needs aren’t met through their partner, they go online and find someone who meets their needs and begin cyber-cheating† (authorsden. com). Some of these needs may be sex or just meaningful conversation. Nevertheless, they are needs that are not being met. Even though emotional affairs can start as small friendships that have no intentions of evolving into anything more, they can be dangerous. Not all friendships leave a person wanting more than just a friendly relationship. It is healthy to have friends, even those of the opposite sex, but in moderation. Also, friendships should remain strictly platonic. However, a person’s partner should be their best friend. A person should be able/want to talk about anything and everything with their partner. Whether it is just a funny thing that happened during the day or a problem that needs to be dealt with at work. Just like physical cheating, there are signs of emotional infidelity. A person’s partner might pick a fight over something petty and meaningless, such as always being the one that has to take out the trash. There may be a withdrawal from and of intimacy, such as serious conversations. Maybe there is a lack of sexual intimacy or attraction. Sometimes there may be a sudden abundance of unexpected gifts, like jewelry. These are just some signs that can signify infidelity. Most of these signs manifest out of guilt. It is hard to neglect this purely natural human emotion and no matter how hard a person tries; guilt always manages to show itself one way or another. Emotional affairs almost always lead to physical ones. No matter how harmless a person believes that viewing pornography or secretly sending intimate emails or texts is, a person will be left desiring sexual satisfaction and they obviously do not desire to satisfy their urge with their partner, so they will inevitably seek to fulfill their needs elsewhere. Although 98 percent of Americans believe it’s wrong to have an affair, infidelity looms large in our marital world. Statistics vary greatly as to how widespread it is. Research estimates of how many husbands and wives are unfaithful range from 15 to 70 percent. In fact, one poll showed that over half would not consider virtual sex as having an affair. Another study cited infidelity as the number one reason (31 percent) for divorce. When infidelity strikes, there is a 65 percent chance that the marriage will end in divorce. As psychiatrist Frank Pittman believes, â€Å"There may be as many acts of infidelity in our society as there are traffic accidents. † Dr. Pittman claims that after being involved in seven thousand divorce cases in thirty-nine years, â€Å"I’ve seen only five established first marriages ending in divorce without somebody being unfaithful. Every year I think I’ve seen the sixth, but I wait, and sure enough the other man or woman surfaces even though they deny and deny and deny. † Regardless of any statistic, it is clear that infidelity is a common fear in any marriage. We should never minimize its potential or its danger (Neuman. 29). This does not only apply to marriages, it applies to any kind of romantic/intimate relationship there are no exceptions. No matter how strong a person believes their relationship is, infidelity is always a possibility. Emotional affairs are just as devastating as physical ones. Cheating is cheating. It should not matter how a person cheats, infidelity is heartbreaking to everyone. In a recent survey of 20 students at Bladen Community College, 11 people said that they would be more upset if they were cheated on emotionally, 12 admitted to cheating before, and 13 said that they had been cheated on. When asked which type of infidelity would upset them more, most responded that both would upset them but emotional would upset them more. However, all but one of the people that said they would be upset by both infidelities admitted to cheating. Matthew 5:28 says, â€Å"But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart† (Holy Bible). If a man or woman looks at another person in a lustful way but does not physically act upon their thoughts, it is considered emotional infidelity. People tend to not give emotional infidelity as much weight as physical because they do not tend to see it as much of a threat. However, when a person is the one being cheated on instead of being the cheater, their perspective changes and they become hypocritical. Matthew 7:12 says, â€Å"Do for others what you would like them to do for you. † So if a person cheats on others, that is an open invitation for others to cheat on them. If a person makes the decision to cheat on another person why should they be upset when they themselves get cheated on. Others who may disagree with this argument might say that emotional infidelity is necessary to keep a relationship going. Some might say that viewing pornography and fantasizing about being with another person satisfies their sexual urges and helps them remain with their partner. People that feel this way do not view their actions as cheating, most people see it has a type of therapy (Potter-Effron 49). Not all of us view the world or relationships the same way that others do, therefore, there are always bound to be arguments; people just have to do what works for them. Many people have claimed that they have found a full-proof way to affair-proof their relationship; but none have been proven to work. Often after an affair comes to light, outside observers will speculate unfairly and ignorantly that the betrayed wife must have been reluctant or inadequate in the bedroom, or that the husband of an unfaithful wife was spending too much time at work, and this explains the affair. Just as uninformed gossips often blame inadequacies or weaknesses in the betrayed partner, women are more prone than men to blame themselves for their partner’s infidelity. They think if only they had been more desirable (loving, available, competent, sexy, slender†¦), the affair would never have happened. This is what I call the Prevention Myth, which states that a loving partner and a good marriage will prevent affairs. This misconception is not supported by any research, even though it is commonly cited as fact on television shows and in popular books about how to affair-proof your marriage. Any advice based on this bad assumption and simplification of a complex issue is misleading. The fact is, sometimes an affair can be understood by exploring deficiencies in the marriage, but often it cannot. If you don’t examine all the factors that contribute to an affair, you cannot know. Sometimes the explanation is as simple as attraction, opportunity, and failure to follow precautions. Sometimes it is more complex than that (Glass 40). There will always be people that cheat. Whether their reason for cheating is just because they can or that they are unsatisfied with their current relationship. The best way to attempt to keep relationships strong is communication. Partners need to tell each other how they feel, about everything; if they feel unsatisfied or very satisfied with their relationship, either criticism could be helpful. Cheating hurts everyone involved, whether a person is the victim, cheater, or the other man/woman, it is wrong and people should not do it. People should take a step back and analyze themselves and past and present relationships and determine if they have ever been emotionally unfaithful. Also, commit to finding a way to have stronger relationships in the future. Each couple has a different unique relationship; therefore, each couple needs to find what is best for them. Annotated Bibliography Alexander, Stephany. â€Å"Emotional Infidelity: Top 10 Signs of Emotional Infidelity. authorsden. com. Web. 9 Nov. 2011. This source shows polls related to physical and emotional infidelity and signs of emotional infidelity. The source is reliable because Stephany Alexander is an author, relationship expert, dating expert and infidelity expert. I plan to use some of this information in my basic information and in my subtopic on warning signs of an emotional affair. Ambekar, Ashwini. â€Å"Phy sical Infidelity. † articleswave. com. 15 March 2009. Web. 9 Nov. 2011 This source shows statistics and signs of infidelity. This source is credible because the author is well-known and is a relationship expert. I plan to use some of this information in my subtopics how an emotional affair can lead to a physical affair and how an emotional affair can be just as devastating as a physical affair. Cain, Jessica. â€Å"Infidelity Survey. † Bladen Community College, Dublin, NC. November 2011. This is a survey I conducted asking people questions about their past encounters with infidelity and how they feel about the subject. This source is credible because I distributed thirty surveys to various people of different age and backgrounds. Glass, Shirley P. and Jean Staeheli. NOT â€Å"Just Friends. † New York. Free Press. 2004. Print This source provides a step-by-step guide helping its reader’s cope with infidelity and has quizzes that will help prevent partners from putting themselves in a situation that would put their relationship at risk. This source is reliable because the author is a licensed psychologist and a well-known author. I plan to use some of this information in my subtopic how an emotional affair differs from a friendship. Holy Bible. Print. The Bible is a collection of books, accepted by Christians as sacred and inspired by God, providing the basis for beliefs about spiritual matters and providing guidelines for moral living. Neuman, M. Gary. Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship. New York. Three Rivers Press. 2002. Print. This book is a guideline to a ten-week program developed by the author to transform and better a marriage relationship. This source is reliable because the author is well renowned and a licensed family counselor and Rabbi. I plan to use some of this information in my subtopic how to protect a relationship from an emotional affair. Potter-Effron, Ronald T. and Patricia S. Potter-Effron. The Emotional Affair: How to Recognize Emotional Infidelity and What to Do About It. Oakland. New Harbinger Publications. 2009. Print. This source is an option for couples to use when seeking to cope with and recover from partner’s emotional affair. I plan to use some of this information in my subtopic how to protect a relationship from an emotional affair.